I WAS UNLUCKY HOWEVER I DON’T DESERVE IT
It is about my personal experience in Arnhem. It made me think of how I am portrayed in the Society.
I gathered situations I randomly come across to in real life, that makes me feel not good. I don’t try to react to or with these kind of situations in real life because I do not want to be personally engaged and I would rather prefer distance than conflict. But I realised nothing changes if I do not confront it. It is about confronting, not avoiding, facing it. Confronting and Conflict is different.
By processing my experiences into this blind roll also made me very exhausted and energy/emotion consuming, however it also made me develop the inner side of myself. I remember I started with myself hiding behind an avatar or a character, but at the end of the process I end up revealing myself, and which I think it is more convincing and effective.
I have realised my identity shifts depending on what society I am living in. I am portrayed as Little Asian Girl. It was bit weird because I try to see people as “people”, you as “you”. But the society does not.
Under the years of protection from parents, living in a familar society for years in two different countries before coming to the Netherlands, and learning in the bubble of ArtEZ, I always forget how I am portrayed in the view point of the society. It was hard for me to adapt to the “gap” inbetween the world I was familar to and the real world I am living now.
Blind roll is a good medium to re-perform my ideas. I borrowed the style of a theatre script since the roll recalls of a cinema roll. Cinema is about performing. And I performed my memories.
I gathered situations I randomly come across to in real life, that makes me feel not good. I don’t try to react to or with these kind of situations in real life because I do not want to be personally engaged and I would rather prefer distance than conflict. But I realised nothing changes if I do not confront it. It is about confronting, not avoiding, facing it. Confronting and Conflict is different.
By processing my experiences into this blind roll also made me very exhausted and energy/emotion consuming, however it also made me develop the inner side of myself. I remember I started with myself hiding behind an avatar or a character, but at the end of the process I end up revealing myself, and which I think it is more convincing and effective.
I have realised my identity shifts depending on what society I am living in. I am portrayed as Little Asian Girl. It was bit weird because I try to see people as “people”, you as “you”. But the society does not.
Under the years of protection from parents, living in a familar society for years in two different countries before coming to the Netherlands, and learning in the bubble of ArtEZ, I always forget how I am portrayed in the view point of the society. It was hard for me to adapt to the “gap” inbetween the world I was familar to and the real world I am living now.
Blind roll is a good medium to re-perform my ideas. I borrowed the style of a theatre script since the roll recalls of a cinema roll. Cinema is about performing. And I performed my memories.
Jun 2023
